Expectations And Disappointments

Dear Reader,

The (once more) long awaited day is over.

I just got back from seeing the consultant to review the case of my health, not expecting too much but still had my hope destroyed, yet again.

He said he ‘wasn’t surprised’ that my colonoscopy came back clean, although he should be because he was the one who diagnosed me with colitis the last time I saw him.

His current diagnosis is Irritable Bowel Syndrome, to which I say RUBBISH. I know several people with IBS who all live normal lives; I am far too ill to have it and it alone.

At one point he ended his sentence with ‘I mean, seriously?!’ in a sarcastic tone which was very rude and inappropriate coming from a medical professional.

In summation, he had no sympathy, no empathy, he was rude, he treated me with no respect, he didn’t take me at all seriously and, quite frankly, he was sociopathic.

He wants me to stop taking all my medication; the ones which help with the immense pain and prevent me from going to the toilet 20 times a day; the ones which give me the ounce of a life that I have left. Instead, he advises paracetamol, as if I haven’t tried that already, as if it even touches me.

So I now have to spend a week or two detoxing off of the tramadol and codeine so that I don’t have to go through the intense withdrawals like the last time when I suddenly stopped them before the test.

Just in case he’s right, I’ll have to cut most things out of my diet even though I’m already vegan and often don’t want to eat anyway, because in my brain I’m still anorexic, so I have to really like something to eat it.

He was wrong once, so he is more than likely to be wrong again, at least in my opinion. He should be acting ‘as if” and doing all tests available to rule out anything more serious, but of course that would cost a lot of money so instead he’s doing nothing bar a blood test.

So I’m back to square one, back to the pain and misery like before I went on the medication.

I fully intend on visiting another hospital and getting a second opinion and I will insist that either an MRI or an endoscopy is done.

Wish me luck all…

Michaela

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